I suppose I should write something....
Oct. 27th, 2003 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zaichikarkyor not. I'm so tired. stupiiiiid Jeferry and his snoring. *shrugs* today I should get good sleep, though. Maybe too good sleep... it better not be 13 hours -_-. tha'd just be "good* depression.
Anyway, I've had something bothering me lately... I think I'm already growing apart from someone who means a lot to me, and then growing closer to other people. I'm in love... with my love, most of my HONORABLE SUSCRIBERS know of whom I speak, but those who don't, don't really need to know XD. Anyway, apart from him, I have two crushes that are meaningful... one of them is quite familiar... he's taken pretty much the role of my bf, lacking only the title, and the other doesn't know, but perhaps kindamaybe might be getting a clue somewhere down the road. I feel stupid about it all, but I don't see the point in all of this.
I do not want a boyfriend. I want many jeferrys -_-. I want to be very close to many boys, physically and mentally, and not fall in love. I'm not in love with Jeferry, and that's how it is. If I have many of what I call these "cuddle buddies", I can chose... I can chose the right one. Unfortunately, society doesn't work that way and the boys whom I want to cuddle will want me all for themselves... I was already afraid I was playing with jeferry like that... but he told me I wasn't and he was fine with it, not having a huge crush on me and all... that made me feel tons better. It's not a big deal right now... Jeferry and I are fine with how we are.... but later, what if I develop more curshes? Three is enough right now, but I crush easily, and I get over it easily, very easily, I restrain myself all the time. Now it's kinda different... I actually let guys hit on me... I don't mind it as much as I used to. That's probably why Jeferry is allowed to cuddle with me ^_^*. Because I don't mind it anymore. I'm not sure where I'm going with this... but yeah, society kinda sucks. I'll never be like Intarnet Luvar and have basically more than 2 luvars, I will never allow myself to fall in love more than once at a time, and if I do, then I will do what must be done to "unfallinlove" with one of them. Thankfully, I don't think It'll be getting that far anytime soon.
Anyway, I've had something bothering me lately... I think I'm already growing apart from someone who means a lot to me, and then growing closer to other people. I'm in love... with my love, most of my HONORABLE SUSCRIBERS know of whom I speak, but those who don't, don't really need to know XD. Anyway, apart from him, I have two crushes that are meaningful... one of them is quite familiar... he's taken pretty much the role of my bf, lacking only the title, and the other doesn't know, but perhaps kindamaybe might be getting a clue somewhere down the road. I feel stupid about it all, but I don't see the point in all of this.
I do not want a boyfriend. I want many jeferrys -_-. I want to be very close to many boys, physically and mentally, and not fall in love. I'm not in love with Jeferry, and that's how it is. If I have many of what I call these "cuddle buddies", I can chose... I can chose the right one. Unfortunately, society doesn't work that way and the boys whom I want to cuddle will want me all for themselves... I was already afraid I was playing with jeferry like that... but he told me I wasn't and he was fine with it, not having a huge crush on me and all... that made me feel tons better. It's not a big deal right now... Jeferry and I are fine with how we are.... but later, what if I develop more curshes? Three is enough right now, but I crush easily, and I get over it easily, very easily, I restrain myself all the time. Now it's kinda different... I actually let guys hit on me... I don't mind it as much as I used to. That's probably why Jeferry is allowed to cuddle with me ^_^*. Because I don't mind it anymore. I'm not sure where I'm going with this... but yeah, society kinda sucks. I'll never be like Intarnet Luvar and have basically more than 2 luvars, I will never allow myself to fall in love more than once at a time, and if I do, then I will do what must be done to "unfallinlove" with one of them. Thankfully, I don't think It'll be getting that far anytime soon.
