Cont.

[zaichikarky]

I've labled him an obsession, I've labled him a "luvar", but each definition has a different meaning. Obsessions end, almost as soon as they began, especially in my case. When did I stop obsessing over James? Can I find a legitimate date, or even month, YEAR?!After years, did I suddenly just become "unobsessed"?I'm not sure if Intarnet Luvar replaced James,because I don't remember thinking about him that much shortly before I met him, but the point is that Intarnet Luvar has been my sole obsession for a while. Will there ever be a point where that will end? When I won't think about him every night to help me fall asleep, when his words won't linger on with me, when I stop daydreaming about what I want to do with him...This is a troubling concept, but I am starting to see it as inevitable. The obsession part must end... it has to as some sort of unwritten law about all obsessions "Every obsession any person can have WILL inevitably end." I don't think there is anything I can really deny in that.

But I can still cling on to the other part of him. I am in love with him, there is a slim, but probable chance that this cannot end. Love is a mysterious force that I am just recently starting to fiddle with. It's annoying and complicated, yet is is also the most incredible feeling a person can ever have. I really DO believe in its existance now, whereas I used to be inclined to think all this love nonsence was fabricated by the mass media and whatnot. O also believe there is a strong bond between the two of us using this "love" as a median. Can the bond be strong enough to bring us together? I hope... I pray(to what, I don't know) that it is. It has to overcome the obstacles of time and distance , and this is a formidable tast... what if there is TOO much time spent apart, TOO much distance between us? Sometimes, I think so and this is where I start to get weary of my future. Can a person desire something just SO greatly , and have their wishes shot down? I'm still young, but I have this overwhelming desire to be with a person I've never met before far across the country, it might as well be another universe to me, though.

All I have been doing so far is "waiting until the time is right." I can wait, but I can't wait forever. How long will I wait before I render my dreams hopless and futile. Waiting , and waiting all the while dreaming about love is what I've been doing for months. Will ths cycle continue on, or will the obsession end? I can continue waiting for month to come, just as I have been doing and hope that my dreams come true.

WELL, this has been a fairly effective Stream of Conciousness, I didn't think it would last over a page when here it's lasted for over 6 pages, only interrupted by my dad for the last few sentances when he kicked me out of the bathroom, hehe. Yah, it has been pretty fun.