zaichikarky

Guuh work kinda sux. I keep doing things wrong at the library. We have to sort these books on these shelves and probably sometimes I make mistakes. Everytime another student worker sees this, the first thing they do is to tell my boss instead of correct the minor error. Whiners. I'd never go whine to the boss if one book was out of order. I had to put away over 50 books on Sunday, I'd slept for 3 hrs the night before, and it was a night shift. Other than that, I guess work's okay. I can tolerate it for now because it's better than the manual labor that was my previous position, but it's good that I have only 3 hr shifts. My boss is nice, pretty friendly. Let's see how long I can last before I get inevitably fired like I have from literally all my jobs that have lasted more than 2 weeks.

I still hate being fat, but right now I'm so stressed out that I won't go to the gym. Also, I tend to ignore hunger pains all day and when I am really hungry, like right now, there is nothing I feel like eating. I have been unwanting to cook anything recently.

I have been sleeping an average of 4 hrs for the last few days because of having to get up too early in the mornings and me not sleeping because of anxiety. I get like this at the end of every single quarter, but ugh I hate it. It is making me depressed and I have a hard enough time as it is because of my ADD to concentrate on school work.

I feel very unconfident about my last two essays I wrote. One of which was that Neanderthal one which I literally spent days writing, something I *never* do, and the other one was this Buddhist temple fieldwork I did. I spent all of last night writing it, hense getting 4 hrs of sleep, but still it sucks. I just can't really concentrate on doing any kind of reading for very long... it's really hard for me. I will read stuff and then have to go back pages because I completely retained *no* information. In this way, it often takes me a long time to get through class text where usually I'm a very fast reader.

The worst thing right now is that I'm completely done with my JET(japan program) application and I intended to ship it away on monday. My application has some errors and my GPA really sucks, so there's already several reasons to reject me. Also, I should have never asked my boss to write me a reccomendation letter but I was so desperate. I had no one other than sensei, so I asked him. Not only did he not pay attention to the explicit rules on the form I gave him(I corrected him once) but I didn't catch that he was supposed to sign the back of the envelope and now I have to find him. The fucking thing needs to be in Washington by Monday. He was SUPPOSED to show up for work today but he didn't for some stupid reason. I have to miss some of work tomorrow to take care of this fucking bullshit and I'm SO paranoid of my application not making it in by monday. JET will accept no late applications, no exceptions. I will cry for days if I don't make it into this program, seriously. I mean, of course if I'm rejected I'll look for other programs, but I deserve the fucking BEST program, and Jet is the best one. When I was applying for UCs, UCSC was my third choice. I knew I'd never make it into Berkeley which was my first choice, but Davis rejected me too. I didn't really care at that point, though. I will be really upset if my first choice Japanese program doesn't accept me in this case. I have been wanting to do it literally since 11th grade. And JET will chose, of course, students who have no experience with Japanese culture and who have better grades than me over me who is really into it and fucked up because I tried so hard to pass the stupid lingustics classes, but just could not do it. My GPA will forever be tarnished : (. It'll be impossible to even get a 3.0 by the time I graduate.

I'm sure there are other reasons I hate my life right now, but I don't remember them. I want to just go to sleep and not do these stupid coloring pages because they're taking me forever.

I guess that the only good thing that happened recently was that I went to traffic court, and I liked it cause I like the judicial process, and the judge reduced my ticket by 150 dollars so now it's 400 dollars as well as got rid of both my points, however in order to do that, I have to attend a mandatory 12 hr special traffic school.