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LJ Idol Topic 1: Empty Gestures
Oct. 16th, 2009 02:27 amThere are a lot of cultural habits that don't resonate well with me. I lived in Japan, which has many empty gestures due to politeness. Sometimes, you don't know how a person really feels about you because you don't know if they are being polite or genuine. It can be hard to differentiate in the Japanese culture to the foreigner. However, I think that the cultural empty gesture that irks me most is distinctly American.
I consider myself as an American, and then Russian secondarily . I was born in Russia, but the Russian culture is not so ingrained in me. My parents don't act much like typical Russians to me. They don't even like vodka. However, I have talked to many Russians who agree with me in one sentiment: We don't understand the proliferation of the American "How Are You".
In many countries, "how are you" is not asked unless you genuinely want to know how the person is doing. In America, "how are you" is synonymous to "hello". In American culture, it is polite to say "fine thank you" instead of how you really feel. Why do strangers ask "how are you". Why do clerks in businesses often ask this. I have noticed that when I bother to ask them how they are, they usually don't even answer.
Often, when I'm asked "how are you" by strangers, I don't ask how they are because they don't really expect me to ask, and usually I just say "hello" or "hi" in response. I doubt anyone even noticed. If I'm having a really shitty day and I bother to answer the how are you, I always say fine, or sometimes "ok". Who would say how they are feeling to a stranger?
Imagine walking into Macy's
Clerk: Hello how are you can I help you with anything?
You: I'm actually pretty shitty today. My dog died and I've been crying all day. I'm here for retail therapy.
Clerk....
I can't even imagine how they would respond to that!
One time someone wanted some donation from me at LAX when I just got off a 14 hour plane ride where I had to hold this one lady's hand every time the plane shook because she was terrified of planes.
Canvasser: How was your flight.
Me: Shitty.
Canvasser: *Goes onto spiel about the charity*
Though, I did end up giving him money because he helped me navigate LAX for my final layover.
What I love are people who answer me truthfully, which really only includes friends. I don't care how much they complain about their day/their life in general being shitty to me, secretly, I just am so, so pleased that I am getting an honest, truthful answer to what should be an honest, truthful question.
"How are you." is more of a statement in America than it is a genuine question. It is an empty gesture designed to be polite. I try to be a very polite person, generally, but I don't like pre-determined answers to what should be open-ended questions.
I wish that society would evolve more to use "How are you." to be "How are you?" instead. It is a question, not a statement. Using it as an empty gesture is unacceptable to me. However, since I am American, I will abide by the cultural standard only so much in responding in some way to the question from strangers. In the future, I intend to further use "How are you?" and not "Fine thank you, how are you." Because the former has an answer, the latter does not. The former is used genuinely by myself and my friends. The latter is antiquated and needs social change.
I consider myself as an American, and then Russian secondarily . I was born in Russia, but the Russian culture is not so ingrained in me. My parents don't act much like typical Russians to me. They don't even like vodka. However, I have talked to many Russians who agree with me in one sentiment: We don't understand the proliferation of the American "How Are You".
In many countries, "how are you" is not asked unless you genuinely want to know how the person is doing. In America, "how are you" is synonymous to "hello". In American culture, it is polite to say "fine thank you" instead of how you really feel. Why do strangers ask "how are you". Why do clerks in businesses often ask this. I have noticed that when I bother to ask them how they are, they usually don't even answer.
Often, when I'm asked "how are you" by strangers, I don't ask how they are because they don't really expect me to ask, and usually I just say "hello" or "hi" in response. I doubt anyone even noticed. If I'm having a really shitty day and I bother to answer the how are you, I always say fine, or sometimes "ok". Who would say how they are feeling to a stranger?
Imagine walking into Macy's
Clerk: Hello how are you can I help you with anything?
You: I'm actually pretty shitty today. My dog died and I've been crying all day. I'm here for retail therapy.
Clerk....
I can't even imagine how they would respond to that!
One time someone wanted some donation from me at LAX when I just got off a 14 hour plane ride where I had to hold this one lady's hand every time the plane shook because she was terrified of planes.
Canvasser: How was your flight.
Me: Shitty.
Canvasser: *Goes onto spiel about the charity*
Though, I did end up giving him money because he helped me navigate LAX for my final layover.
What I love are people who answer me truthfully, which really only includes friends. I don't care how much they complain about their day/their life in general being shitty to me, secretly, I just am so, so pleased that I am getting an honest, truthful answer to what should be an honest, truthful question.
"How are you." is more of a statement in America than it is a genuine question. It is an empty gesture designed to be polite. I try to be a very polite person, generally, but I don't like pre-determined answers to what should be open-ended questions.
I wish that society would evolve more to use "How are you." to be "How are you?" instead. It is a question, not a statement. Using it as an empty gesture is unacceptable to me. However, since I am American, I will abide by the cultural standard only so much in responding in some way to the question from strangers. In the future, I intend to further use "How are you?" and not "Fine thank you, how are you." Because the former has an answer, the latter does not. The former is used genuinely by myself and my friends. The latter is antiquated and needs social change.
