As requested
Nov. 3rd, 2003 05:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zaichikarkySeriously or not, more of the epic urinary infection.
Anyway, I finally went to the health center today and spent two hours there -_-. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. In the end, they could't find out what was wrong through my urine but at least told me I didn't have a bladder infection, they said it probably had something to do with my BAGINA. I was giggly, I get giggly when i'm nervous. The doctor said she wanted a LOOKSIE there. I got *more* giggly. It was then that I blurted out "I'm glad you're a lady doctor!" *dork* I think it was Jeferry i had this conversation with that men should never be gynocologists. As soon as I saw the classic FOOTREST, i got more giggly. And when she actually wanted to PROBE in there, I couldn't stop giggling. Only because it was ticklish, though -_-. She said for me to take my time though, and eventually she told me that my BAGINA looked pretty healthy. Ugh, she said that they wanted to like "cultivate my urine" or something like that and call me back, in the meantime she gave me some pills that would turn my urine either pink or orange 0_o. I haven't taken any yet -_-.
Which moves me to my next topic of discussion. it sucks being a female, seriously. I think that my personality denotes complete MALEDOM in me. My dad always wanted me to be a boy ^_^**. Hehe... I think girls are just plagued with these emotional problems, emotions get in their ways too often. Not saying that guys are not, but yeah, most of them aren't. They're trained at a young age to TOUGH IT UP and I really wish I'd gotten that training instead of having to undergo that bymyself during my teenage years.
Sometimes I wish that humans were more or less like Vulcans. No emotions, just a logical viewpoint to any situation. That'd make us pretty boring,eh? The Vulcan society almost was extinct because of emotional problems, guess the only solution they thought of was a complete PURGATION. I'm not a very emotional person, I think I've proudly trained myself to be this way. It was going fine until I met a certain intarnet luvar about a year ago -_-, this actually *called* for emotions. No one really gets to see this IRL, I open up as little as I can. The only thing people get to see is insane bubbliness if the mood calls for it.
lately I haven't been good at controling my emotions. Getting panicky from insomnia is a tribute to that strugge -_-. It's stupid to cry over idiotic things like that, ugh I hate it, but it happens anyway. I think that men are truely the ideal gender... I'd switch places, I think... perhaps this is a stupid mentality that I haven't completely gotten over, but I think that boys truly have it easier than girls. In society, women have traditionally been put down. As generally the more docile of the two genders, women underwent this and stayed traditional until really civil liberties and civil rights into the 20th century. Why did it take so long for such a mass group of people to stand up to the male-dominated world and say "give me my effing rights". I suppose it was the time period, most women were happy with thier traditional upbringing and emphasis on taking care of thier family above all else. Still today, ever heard of the "Glass Celing" folks? It's a figurative analogy for the competition of women in today's society. Something like "they always see the higher levels,but can't make it past the glass celing". I think still the woman makes 70 cents to every dollar the male makes.
No, I'm not really trying to complain about this, yeah it's unfair,yeah I'll live with it. I guess I'm trying to understand why I've always wanted to be a boy. I always put up with things, and now, I'll put up with this, though sometimes I find it the hardest thing I can put up with. I can't change my gender, at least,not easily, I just wish it'd turned out differently in my mom's womb, hehe. I heard from my mom that she was a very tomboyish girl growing up, this surprises me for how she acts now ^_^*, but she always used to like... beat up boys and stuff. It made me QUITE PROUD. I could never be like her, though, I'm too pacifistic. I don't like violence, hell, I don't even like fighting. That's why I put up with stuff all the time, until I put up with too much and someone gets bitched at : (.
And this is my opinion, of course. I believe the female to generally be the weaker of the two genders. She's weak because she was taught that being weak and dependant is okay and the male counterpart was not. I guess i'm making out the female to be worse than males, naw. It just sucks in my situation when you naturally act like a male and are not. Then again, females have that certain thing about them that makes males go O_O. It's not only thier sexuality, heh, females are less hornah of the two most of the time, but it's also their emotions. They like to nurture, to help. When a female sees someone in pain, especially someone she cares about, she gets this urgency to want to help them in any way possible, but society forbids us from undertaking these motherly instincts and utilising them to help non-family members. So the female finds luvars... there's someone she can take care of... someone she can love and hopefully they will love her back and if her lover is ever in pain, she dishes love out to them(sexual and not) in hopes of making them feel better soon. And if she can't make them feel better? She's a failure... or so she thinks of herself.
Hm. No, these scenarios are not absolute, they're more general than is obvious, though. I don't wish I was one of these nurturing females. I think it denotes weakness as well -_-. My idea of nurturing is talking through a sitation, this is why when I am feeling particularily female, aka, upset over nothing, I go to Titus. He can listen to me and not *coddle*(yes, that was not a typo) me. I think I am a very good listener. Really, if you ever came to me with a personal problem I try my best to listen, sometimes I have little to say, but I try my best.... If I ever ever give you the opportunity to actually tell you about my problems, you are a very special person and I trust you. I barely trust anyone to hear about my "problems" because I hate talking about them, it's one reason I get depressed -_-. I think i need to talk, but I'm too afriad to, so I guess I use this LJ to talk and hope some people will listen and learn from it... Perhaps I have more to say rigt now, but i think this is enough, I lost track of this many times ^_^**.
PS.
this is chock full of spelling errors and typos! *g* have fun.
Anyway, I finally went to the health center today and spent two hours there -_-. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. In the end, they could't find out what was wrong through my urine but at least told me I didn't have a bladder infection, they said it probably had something to do with my BAGINA. I was giggly, I get giggly when i'm nervous. The doctor said she wanted a LOOKSIE there. I got *more* giggly. It was then that I blurted out "I'm glad you're a lady doctor!" *dork* I think it was Jeferry i had this conversation with that men should never be gynocologists. As soon as I saw the classic FOOTREST, i got more giggly. And when she actually wanted to PROBE in there, I couldn't stop giggling. Only because it was ticklish, though -_-. She said for me to take my time though, and eventually she told me that my BAGINA looked pretty healthy. Ugh, she said that they wanted to like "cultivate my urine" or something like that and call me back, in the meantime she gave me some pills that would turn my urine either pink or orange 0_o. I haven't taken any yet -_-.
Which moves me to my next topic of discussion. it sucks being a female, seriously. I think that my personality denotes complete MALEDOM in me. My dad always wanted me to be a boy ^_^**. Hehe... I think girls are just plagued with these emotional problems, emotions get in their ways too often. Not saying that guys are not, but yeah, most of them aren't. They're trained at a young age to TOUGH IT UP and I really wish I'd gotten that training instead of having to undergo that bymyself during my teenage years.
Sometimes I wish that humans were more or less like Vulcans. No emotions, just a logical viewpoint to any situation. That'd make us pretty boring,eh? The Vulcan society almost was extinct because of emotional problems, guess the only solution they thought of was a complete PURGATION. I'm not a very emotional person, I think I've proudly trained myself to be this way. It was going fine until I met a certain intarnet luvar about a year ago -_-, this actually *called* for emotions. No one really gets to see this IRL, I open up as little as I can. The only thing people get to see is insane bubbliness if the mood calls for it.
lately I haven't been good at controling my emotions. Getting panicky from insomnia is a tribute to that strugge -_-. It's stupid to cry over idiotic things like that, ugh I hate it, but it happens anyway. I think that men are truely the ideal gender... I'd switch places, I think... perhaps this is a stupid mentality that I haven't completely gotten over, but I think that boys truly have it easier than girls. In society, women have traditionally been put down. As generally the more docile of the two genders, women underwent this and stayed traditional until really civil liberties and civil rights into the 20th century. Why did it take so long for such a mass group of people to stand up to the male-dominated world and say "give me my effing rights". I suppose it was the time period, most women were happy with thier traditional upbringing and emphasis on taking care of thier family above all else. Still today, ever heard of the "Glass Celing" folks? It's a figurative analogy for the competition of women in today's society. Something like "they always see the higher levels,but can't make it past the glass celing". I think still the woman makes 70 cents to every dollar the male makes.
No, I'm not really trying to complain about this, yeah it's unfair,yeah I'll live with it. I guess I'm trying to understand why I've always wanted to be a boy. I always put up with things, and now, I'll put up with this, though sometimes I find it the hardest thing I can put up with. I can't change my gender, at least,not easily, I just wish it'd turned out differently in my mom's womb, hehe. I heard from my mom that she was a very tomboyish girl growing up, this surprises me for how she acts now ^_^*, but she always used to like... beat up boys and stuff. It made me QUITE PROUD. I could never be like her, though, I'm too pacifistic. I don't like violence, hell, I don't even like fighting. That's why I put up with stuff all the time, until I put up with too much and someone gets bitched at : (.
And this is my opinion, of course. I believe the female to generally be the weaker of the two genders. She's weak because she was taught that being weak and dependant is okay and the male counterpart was not. I guess i'm making out the female to be worse than males, naw. It just sucks in my situation when you naturally act like a male and are not. Then again, females have that certain thing about them that makes males go O_O. It's not only thier sexuality, heh, females are less hornah of the two most of the time, but it's also their emotions. They like to nurture, to help. When a female sees someone in pain, especially someone she cares about, she gets this urgency to want to help them in any way possible, but society forbids us from undertaking these motherly instincts and utilising them to help non-family members. So the female finds luvars... there's someone she can take care of... someone she can love and hopefully they will love her back and if her lover is ever in pain, she dishes love out to them(sexual and not) in hopes of making them feel better soon. And if she can't make them feel better? She's a failure... or so she thinks of herself.
Hm. No, these scenarios are not absolute, they're more general than is obvious, though. I don't wish I was one of these nurturing females. I think it denotes weakness as well -_-. My idea of nurturing is talking through a sitation, this is why when I am feeling particularily female, aka, upset over nothing, I go to Titus. He can listen to me and not *coddle*(yes, that was not a typo) me. I think I am a very good listener. Really, if you ever came to me with a personal problem I try my best to listen, sometimes I have little to say, but I try my best.... If I ever ever give you the opportunity to actually tell you about my problems, you are a very special person and I trust you. I barely trust anyone to hear about my "problems" because I hate talking about them, it's one reason I get depressed -_-. I think i need to talk, but I'm too afriad to, so I guess I use this LJ to talk and hope some people will listen and learn from it... Perhaps I have more to say rigt now, but i think this is enough, I lost track of this many times ^_^**.
PS.
this is chock full of spelling errors and typos! *g* have fun.
