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Sep. 28th, 2008 03:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zaichikarkyAnyway, I managed to locate something relevant to that post I made for the writing competition about my old friend. He sent me this message then that finally made me change my mind. I edited out his name for privacy issues.
My reply to your goodbye letter.
I never really replied to your goodbye letter that you sent me when i was 16, and i now understand why i never could. Because I couldn't let go of our friendship and what we had, and now I believe I've done that. I know that there's discomfort for you, in the subject of me in general because of the way things ended, and even though i have apologized for my part in how things ended between us, but now it is time for me to move on from what happened. I've given this a lot of thought, and we WILL never be able to be friends like we were again, that's why i'm letting it go. We've both come too far in our lives to try to go back 5 years to reclaim something that people that don't even exist anymore lost. We're not the same people anymore. We could NEVER be friends like we used to. I'm letting go of any hope of rekindling that friendship that i've held onto for so long, because we can never get back to where we were, and that's fine with me. I do want to ask you a favor though, now that we're moving on past our old friendship. I'd really like the new Lisa Zakharova, and the new ______ to get to know each other. I'd like to get to know you. From square 1. Maybe we have nothing in common, maybe we have everything in common, but we don't really know anything about each other anymore, which is why we can't have our old friendship back. I would really like it if we could leave the past in the past, and at the very try to see if we have anything in common. When I look at you, I feel happy, I see a very nice part of my past, that i thouroughly enjoyed, and nothing would make me happier than getting to know the person I'll always have a life long connection with. You wrote to me about why it's hard sometimes for people when they're young to let go of things, even though they should. So let go of that person, PLEASE, in the hopes that maybe these 2 new people can be friends. I'm not asking for anything too complicated, and I'm not going into this with any expectations, but it would be nice to find out who Lisa Zakharova is. She seems like a really cool person, and the kind of person I'd like to be friends with.
Sincerely,
_______
--------------------------------------------
The reason I forgave him, and for me forgiveness isn't at all easy because I hold huge grudges even with small matters at times, is because after 5 years, he finally understood. He wrote to me in the past, or did some emo things to try to get my attention, and I didn't really do much about it. He was desperate to return things to how they were, and I didn't want to return to that. I was mature enough to make that decision for the both of us, and he couldn't and wouldn't accept that.
5 years later, he has proven to me that he has accepted that. That is why I granted him a visit to his place(and presented my lovely 5 dollar dish soap... heh). In my reply to that letter... actually I don't remember what I said. I'll go pull it up now that I'm at it. It wasn't too exciting
Sorry that I replied to this exactly a month later. I really appreciate how over the years you've tried to rekindle our friendship when I've been unwilling to. Everytime I meet with Alexis I ask her about you and what's going on with your life because I'm really interested in your happiness. I hope you and ____ are treating each other well. I actually haven't changed very much over the years, just become more quiet and boring I suppose! No more chasing people around with sticks called "Excalibranch". I'm going to Japan soon, I hope. I remember bringing you back Digimon goods from Japan. I always think of you when I remember Digimon : ). I think we should get to know each other more. Like, why did you change your last name? Maybe we should all hang out with Alexis one of the next times I'm in Santa Rosa.
Take care,
-Lisa
-----------------------------
So anyway, I found his letter to be really well thought out and poignant. I really appreciated it and I realized that even though he was right in that things can't go back to the way they were, I haven't had animosity towards him for 4.8 years. I "hated" him for less time than I hated him for stealing excalibranch. I just didn't want to be a part of his life anymore... and if it hadn't been for his regular efforts to get back into my life, my memories of him would just be that, memories. I would have lost the opportunity to even know anything about his life. So maybe in that sense, I'm happy that his goodbye was prolonged by 5 years. We've both said goodbye now, yet now, we communicate soley in myspace every once in a while. I think that, unless he's back to doing hard drugs again, I will want to make an occasional visit with my friend Alexis. She's so close to him, and I'm happy that they've been constantly supporting each other all these years.
Anyway, I don't know why I feel the need to write this. I've felt really shitty for the whole day. I've had very very little sleep recently. It's 4 am and I have a huge headache. I hope that I can go to sleep for at least 12 hours now, and after I wake up at 4 pm, I can stay up another 12 to get most of my work done....
My reply to your goodbye letter.
I never really replied to your goodbye letter that you sent me when i was 16, and i now understand why i never could. Because I couldn't let go of our friendship and what we had, and now I believe I've done that. I know that there's discomfort for you, in the subject of me in general because of the way things ended, and even though i have apologized for my part in how things ended between us, but now it is time for me to move on from what happened. I've given this a lot of thought, and we WILL never be able to be friends like we were again, that's why i'm letting it go. We've both come too far in our lives to try to go back 5 years to reclaim something that people that don't even exist anymore lost. We're not the same people anymore. We could NEVER be friends like we used to. I'm letting go of any hope of rekindling that friendship that i've held onto for so long, because we can never get back to where we were, and that's fine with me. I do want to ask you a favor though, now that we're moving on past our old friendship. I'd really like the new Lisa Zakharova, and the new ______ to get to know each other. I'd like to get to know you. From square 1. Maybe we have nothing in common, maybe we have everything in common, but we don't really know anything about each other anymore, which is why we can't have our old friendship back. I would really like it if we could leave the past in the past, and at the very try to see if we have anything in common. When I look at you, I feel happy, I see a very nice part of my past, that i thouroughly enjoyed, and nothing would make me happier than getting to know the person I'll always have a life long connection with. You wrote to me about why it's hard sometimes for people when they're young to let go of things, even though they should. So let go of that person, PLEASE, in the hopes that maybe these 2 new people can be friends. I'm not asking for anything too complicated, and I'm not going into this with any expectations, but it would be nice to find out who Lisa Zakharova is. She seems like a really cool person, and the kind of person I'd like to be friends with.
Sincerely,
_______
--------------------------------------------
The reason I forgave him, and for me forgiveness isn't at all easy because I hold huge grudges even with small matters at times, is because after 5 years, he finally understood. He wrote to me in the past, or did some emo things to try to get my attention, and I didn't really do much about it. He was desperate to return things to how they were, and I didn't want to return to that. I was mature enough to make that decision for the both of us, and he couldn't and wouldn't accept that.
5 years later, he has proven to me that he has accepted that. That is why I granted him a visit to his place(and presented my lovely 5 dollar dish soap... heh). In my reply to that letter... actually I don't remember what I said. I'll go pull it up now that I'm at it. It wasn't too exciting
Sorry that I replied to this exactly a month later. I really appreciate how over the years you've tried to rekindle our friendship when I've been unwilling to. Everytime I meet with Alexis I ask her about you and what's going on with your life because I'm really interested in your happiness. I hope you and ____ are treating each other well. I actually haven't changed very much over the years, just become more quiet and boring I suppose! No more chasing people around with sticks called "Excalibranch". I'm going to Japan soon, I hope. I remember bringing you back Digimon goods from Japan. I always think of you when I remember Digimon : ). I think we should get to know each other more. Like, why did you change your last name? Maybe we should all hang out with Alexis one of the next times I'm in Santa Rosa.
Take care,
-Lisa
-----------------------------
So anyway, I found his letter to be really well thought out and poignant. I really appreciated it and I realized that even though he was right in that things can't go back to the way they were, I haven't had animosity towards him for 4.8 years. I "hated" him for less time than I hated him for stealing excalibranch. I just didn't want to be a part of his life anymore... and if it hadn't been for his regular efforts to get back into my life, my memories of him would just be that, memories. I would have lost the opportunity to even know anything about his life. So maybe in that sense, I'm happy that his goodbye was prolonged by 5 years. We've both said goodbye now, yet now, we communicate soley in myspace every once in a while. I think that, unless he's back to doing hard drugs again, I will want to make an occasional visit with my friend Alexis. She's so close to him, and I'm happy that they've been constantly supporting each other all these years.
Anyway, I don't know why I feel the need to write this. I've felt really shitty for the whole day. I've had very very little sleep recently. It's 4 am and I have a huge headache. I hope that I can go to sleep for at least 12 hours now, and after I wake up at 4 pm, I can stay up another 12 to get most of my work done....
no subject
Date: 2008-09-28 05:06 pm (UTC)