LJ Idol 1- goodbyes
Sep. 26th, 2008 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zaichikarkyEver since I just turned 17 years old, I have viewed goodbyes in a positive light. Never before in my life have I ever made a goodbye that saddened me deeply. I suppose it is a mix of being rather emotionally stoic, and well, thankfully no one important to me has really died.
When I was 17, I was in this really terrible English class in my HS. It was AP English. I had no hope of passing the test because I was too fucked up from severe depression and basically everyone in the class was very disrespectful to me because I didn't fit in well with them at all. Not only did they think they were smarter than me, but they used me for their own amusement far too often due to my ADD. But that's not the point. I got tired of it all and rather subdued, so I no longer amused them.
Anyway, we read this piece entitled "Endings". It was a different take on goodbyes. I have it somewhere in my live journal, but I am completely unable to find the text. I am also unable to find the text anywhere online. My skills as a brand new library sciences grad student are pretty much still limited to google and this semi-fancy process called "boolean tags", but yeah, that's it. It discussed how people had the wrong ideas about endings. Ending a relationship, ending a life in a country. Goodbyes are also times to say hello and, for me, a goodbye means a hello to a change, something that comes hard to me.
When I was that age, I also decided to cut of a relationship with a friend of mine who was treating me very poorly. Despite his persistance, I cut him out of my life for many years. I sent him that "Endings" essay that I read, in a letter, gave it to him, and told him never to speak to me again. He didn't listen to my goodbye wishes however. I was sad at first, but then happy because it was bad for my well-being to remain friends with him.
He was going through a rough time, I was going through a rough time too. I really didn't need his negativity, and I certainly didn't need his clinginess and persistence to annoy me when I had no one to turn to myself. He and I met because I ran around with a stick called "Excalibranch". Literally. He decided he wanted to steal my stick, and so he did. I ran after him, fell in the mud... and got annoyed. Then for a week.... maybe 2. I hated him with a passion. Digimon changed that. Because of Digimon, we became very close for the next 2 years. It was our one thing in common, but I didn't care. I adored him so much. he liked to do drugs, even at the tender age of 15. He had parents who treated him like shit and didn't care about him, I had parents who rarely treated me like shit, but treated me like a princess half the time. He was gay, I was not. But he did mean the world to me at the time, and I couldn't believe when I didn't want to even see him anymore. He was a very good friend to me, at a time when I was much less guarded than I am now. If he ever took advantage of me, I wouldn't ever even known.
However, goodbyes are something that are usually not permanent. After 5 years of somewhat regular pursuit, I decided to give him another chance. I told him I admired his efforts to try to stay in contact with me for all these years. i never failed to ask our mutual friend about his well being, and finally I agreed to meeting him on his birthday. My present to him was a bottle of dish fluid, because he literally couldn't afford to buy one to wash the dishes. He was ecstatic...
Maybe the "Beatles" reference is more accurate- "You say goodbye, and I say hello". It was an ending for me, what I thought was a permanent one. For me, it allowed me time to forgive him, even though it took me 7 years. I did, though, I've moved on and we still keep in touch, not that we can ever be such good friends again. The dish soap was a start, though. It was a goodbye to the years of neglect and one-sided bad feelings. I'm glad I said goodbye to it.
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http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/179851.html#cutid1 vote for me please！：D
When I was 17, I was in this really terrible English class in my HS. It was AP English. I had no hope of passing the test because I was too fucked up from severe depression and basically everyone in the class was very disrespectful to me because I didn't fit in well with them at all. Not only did they think they were smarter than me, but they used me for their own amusement far too often due to my ADD. But that's not the point. I got tired of it all and rather subdued, so I no longer amused them.
Anyway, we read this piece entitled "Endings". It was a different take on goodbyes. I have it somewhere in my live journal, but I am completely unable to find the text. I am also unable to find the text anywhere online. My skills as a brand new library sciences grad student are pretty much still limited to google and this semi-fancy process called "boolean tags", but yeah, that's it. It discussed how people had the wrong ideas about endings. Ending a relationship, ending a life in a country. Goodbyes are also times to say hello and, for me, a goodbye means a hello to a change, something that comes hard to me.
When I was that age, I also decided to cut of a relationship with a friend of mine who was treating me very poorly. Despite his persistance, I cut him out of my life for many years. I sent him that "Endings" essay that I read, in a letter, gave it to him, and told him never to speak to me again. He didn't listen to my goodbye wishes however. I was sad at first, but then happy because it was bad for my well-being to remain friends with him.
He was going through a rough time, I was going through a rough time too. I really didn't need his negativity, and I certainly didn't need his clinginess and persistence to annoy me when I had no one to turn to myself. He and I met because I ran around with a stick called "Excalibranch". Literally. He decided he wanted to steal my stick, and so he did. I ran after him, fell in the mud... and got annoyed. Then for a week.... maybe 2. I hated him with a passion. Digimon changed that. Because of Digimon, we became very close for the next 2 years. It was our one thing in common, but I didn't care. I adored him so much. he liked to do drugs, even at the tender age of 15. He had parents who treated him like shit and didn't care about him, I had parents who rarely treated me like shit, but treated me like a princess half the time. He was gay, I was not. But he did mean the world to me at the time, and I couldn't believe when I didn't want to even see him anymore. He was a very good friend to me, at a time when I was much less guarded than I am now. If he ever took advantage of me, I wouldn't ever even known.
However, goodbyes are something that are usually not permanent. After 5 years of somewhat regular pursuit, I decided to give him another chance. I told him I admired his efforts to try to stay in contact with me for all these years. i never failed to ask our mutual friend about his well being, and finally I agreed to meeting him on his birthday. My present to him was a bottle of dish fluid, because he literally couldn't afford to buy one to wash the dishes. He was ecstatic...
Maybe the "Beatles" reference is more accurate- "You say goodbye, and I say hello". It was an ending for me, what I thought was a permanent one. For me, it allowed me time to forgive him, even though it took me 7 years. I did, though, I've moved on and we still keep in touch, not that we can ever be such good friends again. The dish soap was a start, though. It was a goodbye to the years of neglect and one-sided bad feelings. I'm glad I said goodbye to it.
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http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/179851.html#cutid1 vote for me please！：D
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