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ihaitmilife
May. 19th, 2004 01:01 pmI want to steal Tom's SN. It fits on days like this *cries*. omg I need hug. Let's just leave it as "today sucks".
Sometimes I wonder why I'm in college. But that pretty much is only when I feel crappy like now. I'm not an exemplorary student, and I have no fucking idea what I want to study. I don't have enthusiasm for anything in particular, except maybe Japanese, and then I never study it as much as I should. I know I want to work, but I can't find work. I got rejected from something today that I wanted to do for next year and I think another rejection is pending. If I could, I would just drop out of college and take some job that gives me okay wages, enough to get by just so I can live with Titus. But I know that's pretty much impossible. Titus did it, but I think he did the near-impossible. I wish I could do that. I seem to suck at school right now. I'm not doing as well as I did in HS, but I guess that's obvious, this should be harder than HS. I think I'm just lazy. I have no motivation.
The only thing I like about college is that I found people to game with. That and Japanese. I'm serious. Maybe it's because I'm in a bad mood right now, but that's all I really care about. Gaming and Japanese, oh and probably anime club too. I just want a job. I'm sick of studying shit that does nothing to acheive my ultimate goal- getting the fuck out of my parents hair and making it on my own. I'm envious of Titus because he was able to do this so quickly. I mean, in less than one year, he's pretty much on his own, even though he depends on his brother a little. But that doesn't count. James is not a parent. It was like for a year he sat around and did absolutely nothing, and then the next year he's like OUT THERE. Very impressive, is what I think. I wish I could do that. My biggest fear is being like 30 and depending on my parents. Thinking about that drives me to tears, I fear it so much. I can't let that happen, I fear that in like *4* years, and thinking about others who've done it for longer just makes me scared.
My mom once told me that work would be the most important thing in my life, according to numerology or some shit like that... she's into all that. I'd believe her. Right now, finding a job comes second only to Titus. I hope to get out of college early so I can work. I'm tired of depending on my parents already.
On a more positive note, Jeferry will be staying over at my house until like, Sunday. It should be fun. Mad slumber party.<3. Addar and I will have sex, and we will make Jeferry jealous. That's something I'm looking forward to. I haven't seen Jeferry since that time Titus and all of us were together. <3 my most favorite Ferry evar. <3<3.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm in college. But that pretty much is only when I feel crappy like now. I'm not an exemplorary student, and I have no fucking idea what I want to study. I don't have enthusiasm for anything in particular, except maybe Japanese, and then I never study it as much as I should. I know I want to work, but I can't find work. I got rejected from something today that I wanted to do for next year and I think another rejection is pending. If I could, I would just drop out of college and take some job that gives me okay wages, enough to get by just so I can live with Titus. But I know that's pretty much impossible. Titus did it, but I think he did the near-impossible. I wish I could do that. I seem to suck at school right now. I'm not doing as well as I did in HS, but I guess that's obvious, this should be harder than HS. I think I'm just lazy. I have no motivation.
The only thing I like about college is that I found people to game with. That and Japanese. I'm serious. Maybe it's because I'm in a bad mood right now, but that's all I really care about. Gaming and Japanese, oh and probably anime club too. I just want a job. I'm sick of studying shit that does nothing to acheive my ultimate goal- getting the fuck out of my parents hair and making it on my own. I'm envious of Titus because he was able to do this so quickly. I mean, in less than one year, he's pretty much on his own, even though he depends on his brother a little. But that doesn't count. James is not a parent. It was like for a year he sat around and did absolutely nothing, and then the next year he's like OUT THERE. Very impressive, is what I think. I wish I could do that. My biggest fear is being like 30 and depending on my parents. Thinking about that drives me to tears, I fear it so much. I can't let that happen, I fear that in like *4* years, and thinking about others who've done it for longer just makes me scared.
My mom once told me that work would be the most important thing in my life, according to numerology or some shit like that... she's into all that. I'd believe her. Right now, finding a job comes second only to Titus. I hope to get out of college early so I can work. I'm tired of depending on my parents already.
On a more positive note, Jeferry will be staying over at my house until like, Sunday. It should be fun. Mad slumber party.<3. Addar and I will have sex, and we will make Jeferry jealous. That's something I'm looking forward to. I haven't seen Jeferry since that time Titus and all of us were together. <3 my most favorite Ferry evar. <3<3.
