Yeah I'm not writing about "Inside Baseball" this week. I don't like the topic and I take it upon myself to read all you guys' horribly off topic entries (some of you anyway) so because I'm annoyed there was no free topic this far into the game, I think I'll just write whatever I want to and see if I make it to next week. It will be most amusing if I do, but help me accomplish my goal because this season, it's to week 15.

I think I'll just write some bitchy thing about the competition because I'm lazy and don't really feel like thinking of something any more interesting to write about.

First of all, I'm really pleased with the tribe system this season. It was a very easy solution to what I sometimes perceive as unfairness considering the people with the biggest friends lists (tribe 4) obviously always get the most votes.

That's not to say that the suck-tribe, tribe 1, doesn't deserve to be on the bottom rung of this hierarchy. Other than maybe some of the people who keep coming in from Second Chance Idol, some weeks I really vote for maybe 3 people from tribe 1. That doesn't really come from having small to non-existent friends lists, it comes from either sucking in general, or hardly spending any effort in writing.

Let's go to the last point for a minute. I'm sorry but in my very humble(HAH) opinion, if you don't spend at *least* half an hour trying to write an entry for us Idol readers to read, you aren't putting enough effort into your entries. There are a few of you who are like this, and I don't vote for you 90% of the time. It really irks me that people who genuinely do put effort into their writing are voted out and a one paragraph entry does well.

I think that at least 80% of poetry is a cop-out. And it's not only because I have never liked poetry. I actually have voted for poetry about 3 times this season- all three times when I see that the person has made an effort to not only connect their poem to the topic, but to make it interesting.

I dislike fluffy writing. Maybe that's not the term, but whatever it is that many of you do where there is nothing happening in the context of the entry but a lot of metaphors and description. I've never voted for any entry where it was about some idea or metaphorical gibberish. I never understand it or maybe if I do, I think it sucks and I won't vote for it. I hated the Lord of the Rings saga- the Tolkien, not the movies, and that was a major factor.

Second Chance Idol is pretty cool, I have to say. I think you guys should be paying more attention to it. Again, I'm kind of annoyed that some good writers from it aren't voted through, but they have kind of a small circle of voters to begin with.

I think some of you are horribly over rated, but I'm not going to name any names just because it's mean to single out people and even I'm not that bitchy.

I am more impressed with the quality of fiction this year. Though I will have to admit that the few of you who are/were writing the sagas did lose my interest at some point.

I would say that the last thing that annoys me is that some of you don't write on topic, but hey, look at me this week :).

Feel free to disagree with everything and air your complaints about this entry. In other words, I always am open to any kind of criticism . I have a feeling that at least some of you are going to complain that I'm trying to start drama. I would definitely disagree, but if you feel that way, then that's fine.

If I go out, I go out "blazing" I guess. That would be really funny if this were a gate keeper week. If I don't make it through this week, next week I am going to comment on every single one of your entries. Even if I hate it, which will happen quite a few times. You made it to week 13. Either you are talented(at least somewhat), ambitious(by not flaking out due to "real life") or have a nice friends list. Both are cause for celebration, really.

Edit:

According to spydielives, this entire entry actually fits the topic well and thinking about it, she's probably right. I guess I just find that amusing where I spent a long while trying to write my first entry only to give up and write this and somehow it ended up being on topic : ).

Seriously or not, more of the epic urinary infection.

Anyway, I finally went to the health center today and spent two hours there -_-. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least. In the end, they could't find out what was wrong through my urine but at least told me I didn't have a bladder infection, they said it probably had something to do with my BAGINA. I was giggly, I get giggly when i'm nervous. The doctor said she wanted a LOOKSIE there. I got *more* giggly. It was then that I blurted out "I'm glad you're a lady doctor!" *dork* I think it was Jeferry i had this conversation with that men should never be gynocologists. As soon as I saw the classic FOOTREST, i got more giggly. And when she actually wanted to PROBE in there, I couldn't stop giggling. Only because it was ticklish, though -_-. She said for me to take my time though, and eventually she told me that my BAGINA looked pretty healthy. Ugh, she said that they wanted to like "cultivate my urine" or something like that and call me back, in the meantime she gave me some pills that would turn my urine either pink or orange 0_o. I haven't taken any yet -_-.

Which moves me to my next topic of discussion. it sucks being a female, seriously. I think that my personality denotes complete MALEDOM in me. My dad always wanted me to be a boy ^_^**. Hehe... I think girls are just plagued with these emotional problems, emotions get in their ways too often. Not saying that guys are not, but yeah, most of them aren't. They're trained at a young age to TOUGH IT UP and I really wish I'd gotten that training instead of having to undergo that bymyself during my teenage years.

Sometimes I wish that humans were more or less like Vulcans. No emotions, just a logical viewpoint to any situation. That'd make us pretty boring,eh? The Vulcan society almost was extinct because of emotional problems, guess the only solution they thought of was a complete PURGATION. I'm not a very emotional person, I think I've proudly trained myself to be this way. It was going fine until I met a certain intarnet luvar about a year ago -_-, this actually *called* for emotions. No one really gets to see this IRL, I open up as little as I can. The only thing people get to see is insane bubbliness if the mood calls for it.

lately I haven't been good at controling my emotions. Getting panicky from insomnia is a tribute to that strugge -_-. It's stupid to cry over idiotic things like that, ugh I hate it, but it happens anyway. I think that men are truely the ideal gender... I'd switch places, I think... perhaps this is a stupid mentality that I haven't completely gotten over, but I think that boys truly have it easier than girls. In society, women have traditionally been put down. As generally the more docile of the two genders, women underwent this and stayed traditional until really civil liberties and civil rights into the 20th century. Why did it take so long for such a mass group of people to stand up to the male-dominated world and say "give me my effing rights". I suppose it was the time period, most women were happy with thier traditional upbringing and emphasis on taking care of thier family above all else. Still today, ever heard of the "Glass Celing" folks? It's a figurative analogy for the competition of women in today's society. Something like "they always see the higher levels,but can't make it past the glass celing". I think still the woman makes 70 cents to every dollar the male makes.

No, I'm not really trying to complain about this, yeah it's unfair,yeah I'll live with it. I guess I'm trying to understand why I've always wanted to be a boy. I always put up with things, and now, I'll put up with this, though sometimes I find it the hardest thing I can put up with. I can't change my gender, at least,not easily, I just wish it'd turned out differently in my mom's womb, hehe. I heard from my mom that she was a very tomboyish girl growing up, this surprises me for how she acts now ^_^*, but she always used to like... beat up boys and stuff. It made me QUITE PROUD. I could never be like her, though, I'm too pacifistic. I don't like violence, hell, I don't even like fighting. That's why I put up with stuff all the time, until I put up with too much and someone gets bitched at : (.

And this is my opinion, of course. I believe the female to generally be the weaker of the two genders. She's weak because she was taught that being weak and dependant is okay and the male counterpart was not. I guess i'm making out the female to be worse than males, naw. It just sucks in my situation when you naturally act like a male and are not. Then again, females have that certain thing about them that makes males go O_O. It's not only thier sexuality, heh, females are less hornah of the two most of the time, but it's also their emotions. They like to nurture, to help. When a female sees someone in pain, especially someone she cares about, she gets this urgency to want to help them in any way possible, but society forbids us from undertaking these motherly instincts and utilising them to help non-family members. So the female finds luvars... there's someone she can take care of... someone she can love and hopefully they will love her back and if her lover is ever in pain, she dishes love out to them(sexual and not) in hopes of making them feel better soon. And if she can't make them feel better? She's a failure... or so she thinks of herself.

Hm. No, these scenarios are not absolute, they're more general than is obvious, though. I don't wish I was one of these nurturing females. I think it denotes weakness as well -_-. My idea of nurturing is talking through a sitation, this is why when I am feeling particularily female, aka, upset over nothing, I go to Titus. He can listen to me and not *coddle*(yes, that was not a typo) me. I think I am a very good listener. Really, if you ever came to me with a personal problem I try my best to listen, sometimes I have little to say, but I try my best.... If I ever ever give you the opportunity to actually tell you about my problems, you are a very special person and I trust you. I barely trust anyone to hear about my "problems" because I hate talking about them, it's one reason I get depressed -_-. I think i need to talk, but I'm too afriad to, so I guess I use this LJ to talk and hope some people will listen and learn from it... Perhaps I have more to say rigt now, but i think this is enough, I lost track of this many times ^_^**.

PS.

this is chock full of spelling errors and typos! *g* have fun.

My mood explains it all. I wish I had friends here, sometimes I get quite lonely. I couldn't find Ksenia, and as usual Alex-tachi decided, of course, not to invite me to whatever they were doing. I kinda had fun wandering out by myself, damn is halloween a huge effing deal here. But I was alays wishing I had someone with me. I miss Jeferrry. Right now, I'm not counting on TG to be on for at least a few days, Titus is probably doing whatever with his friends, and only Koop can keep me company now... or should I say for the next five minutes before he so characteristically disappears. I feel like crying, but I won't. Instead I'll wait until tomorrow and hope more people show up.