Lj Idol Week .5: The Giving of Thanks

[zaichikarky]

It's kind of fucked up, but I'll always admit it. I always use the misfortune of others in order to be grateful for my own life.

Sometime in the summer of 2008 in Japan, I had been roped into helping this new coworker get their visa documents in order, which meant taking a trip to a (somewhat) nearby city. I didn't sleep the night before and unfortunately I forgot some kind of document (which ended up not being needed). I was screamed at and berated by this coworker, which ended up with me running away and leaving him there in the immigration office to deal with it. I cried most of the way home, which was embarrassing, but on the last train back to my town, I saw a family having a difficult time with dealing with a mentally handicapped person who was having a ball of a time on the train. That scene snapped me back into reality and made me at least put aside my stupid drama and put life into perspective. This family had to deal with their very mentally handicapped son for the rest of his life. They must have had a lot of misfortunes and difficulties ever since he was born (he must have been at least in his 20s). I was crying because some douchebag yelled at me.

Recently, I got rejected from my dream job after getting far into the interview process. This is actually the biggest disappointment of my life. I've done a lot of crying and feeling sorry for myself because come April (when my current project finishes), I will be stuck unemployed again and it's very difficult to find entry-level jobs in my field. I'll be in limbo yet again and my biggest fears are getting stuck in another job that I could have easily done straight out of high school.

I have a multitude of things to be grateful about, but with the way my selfish (and likely asshole ableist) mind works is that I'm most grateful for not having to suffer through problems that others have. The number one thing I am most grateful for is that I don't have a chronic pain condition. I've had friends suffer through those, and I can't imagine doing so myself. I'm grateful that my mental conditions lead me to live a (mostly) normal life. And I'm grateful that I have never had to resort to taking medication to help my symptoms.

I think that privately, everyone must do it sometimes. Sometimes we see homeless people and think "I'm glad that's not me, I'm lucky I have a roof over my head" until many peoples' next thought will be "I wonder how they did that to themselves?" Maybe the only difference is that I'm stupid enough to actually write an entry about it and post it to a writing competition?

Comments

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

I also have friends w a severely mentally disabled kid. I cannot imagine......


AW

[murielle.livejournal.com]

On some level I'm sure we all do that, especially what you describe at the end, seeing a homeless person. So I don't think you're all that different in that respect at all.

A nice reflection on the things that inspire gratitude in us.

[crazybellatrix.livejournal.com]

It's horrible being rejected, especially when it's your dream job and you've gone so far with the interview process [Huggles]

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your job interview and your employment situation. I hope you find something you like. I think it's human to be grateful that we don't have the problems/medical conditions afflicting others. Thank you for posting this.

[laeryn.livejournal.com]

IA with the others that I think we all do these sometimes. I also think others having it worse does not invalidate our feeling bad for whatever is going in our lives, though it is a good way to get some perspective and try to be optimistic.

/hugs

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, what we may feel may even be courage gained from watching other people deal with harder situations, and doing it with patience or strength or perseverance. It restores our sense of what's possible-- more than we thought, more than we've been asked.

That can keep us going forward, that inspiration we get from others.

[fodschwazzle.livejournal.com]

Having been someone standing in an immigration office, it's really hard for me to imagine having to deal with someone screaming at someone they'll have to work with later, someone upon whom everything is wholly dependent--like not getting shipped back to the States or wherever for not having the proper paperwork. Is it OK that I hope this person didn't work out, job-wise?

Admitting that your subconscious can benefit from observing other people's hardships is pretty strong too. Well put.

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Yeah we all do that and you are brave enough to put it here..a different perspective and I liked it! Kudos! Best wishes for everything you are hoping for..<3

[sinnamongirl.livejournal.com]

I really empathize with this; I've been so stressed and weirded out about life lately that sometimes the only thing I can do is say "well, at least I didn't do /blank/" or "at least I don't have /X disease." Sometimes it helps launch me into opening my eyes to other things, so while I tend to feel like a jerk because of it, it can help.

[dmousey.livejournal.com]

What you have described doing to shake your blues- is the same technique I've employed for over 40years. It has also taught me to be more compassionate and yes, to be grateful.

That doesn't mean, however, that I don't have the occasional pity party!

**We'll keep up positive thinking that another dream job will turn up by April! Huggs